Why is it so Important to Set Boundaries when Dating?

Boundaries are an important part of having a healthy relationship and there are many types of boundaries that are helpful for single women to be familiar with, especially if beginning to date:

Let’s first talk about what a boundary is. Simply put, when it comes to dating, boundaries teach a man how you want to be treated.  What behaviors you will and won’t tolerate.

A woman who can set and hold boundaries cares for herself. Being able to maintain healthy boundaries is important to your health and well being. Think of your conscience. It is that uncomfortable feeling that gnaws at you when something doesn’t seem right. Boundaries make sure that feeling doesn’t live there in the back of your mind. Ultimately, you can’t make yourself agree to put up with or live in a situation where you don’t feel comfortable. It does no one any good. Not you, or the person you are dating.

Boundaries provide a foundation for healthy relationships to thrive and grow and to build trust together.  Here are some of the benefits of setting boundaries:

Feeling Empowered

There is something empowering when you already know what you are willing to accept and what you are not. It is like a self-made rule book that allows you to follow guidelines. If you have made yourself a list and said that you don’t want to date someone who (fill in the blank), then when you meet a man that has that quirk that you feel strongly about, you can just divert to the rule book. It is empowering to know your own rules and stick to them.

Once you’ve developed your own set of standards and you’re clear on what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate, you will be better able to communicate your needs to your dates. You can also use your boundaries to communicate your expectations and resolve problems. Additionally, you can use your boundaries as a way to know when to walk away, say no, or when to remove someone from your life completely. Keep in mind, you don’t always have to communicate every boundary to every potential partner either. 

Discovering the Power of “No”

What will you do if a guy crosses your boundaries? Or ignores them? Or even worse, makes you feel bad or wrong for imposing them in the first place? When will you say no and stick to it? The word no is a word with a very negative connotation that is derived from the time we are toddlers or even before then. Even at 2, we tested the boundaries of our parents, and the word “no” was repeated over and over again. But just like children, we tested the boundaries to see what our parents would do if we kept doing the same behavior and the word “no” was the only reaction.

It’s important to remember that a good guy wants to make you happy and therefore, he will respect your boundaries!

Saying “no” or having an opposing view to your partner can be an uncomfortable thing to do, especially when you are not in the practice of doing it. It probably feels counterintuitive but the more you can be honest and authentic, the more you will be investing in the growth of your relationship (and you)! How can you have a genuine and passionate relationship when you put your needs aside and take yourself out of the relationship to please your partner and their needs and desires? You can’t!

Increased Ability to Spot Online Scammers 

Setting boundaries works also for stopping and spotting scammers. They are everywhere, on the dating sites and in every dating app. They are easy to spot and if you have built your boundaries list, you will know to walk away and do it fast. In all fairness, we mean swipe left.

An example of a scammer is a man who never wants to talk on video or doesn’t show more than one picture of themselves, or wants to take the relationship off the dating app nearly immediately. If you set your boundaries to include what you are willing and not willing to accept while dating, you will save yourself, plenty of time by not wasting it on scammers.

You Don’t Take Rejection Personally – “Thank you, Next.” 

While we all have waited for that special someone to text us back, call us back, or anything to feel wanted, you must also learn to appreciate every unanswered text/message as well.  

Each response or lack of response takes you one step closer to meeting the man of your dreams.  When you have boundaries, you’re able to say, “Thank you, Next,” and not feel the need to chase after every man. Recently, a client of mine was seeing a man who seemed almost too perfect. She had set some boundaries and stuck to them, and did not allow herself to get too caught up in this new relationship. Shortly after, Mr. McDreamy showed his true colors and she simply said, “Thank you, Next.” She told me that she wasn’t upset because she actually dodged a bullet and now could find the right one even sooner. If she had not created boundaries, she may have been too caught up in the wrong guy to realize it and may have spent more time playing in the sandbox with the wrong playmate. It’s never a bad thing to not get a response, sometimes not getting one can save you time and stress, and allow you to quickly move on to what life is offering next.

If you’re ready to learn how to set boundaries so you can start attracting higher quality men, then let’s chat. Schedule a FREE 30-minute Breakthrough call today!