Just because the season calls for a scare or two, doesn’t mean your dating life has to. For many women, dating can be just that - scary. So, here are a few tips to relieve your worries.
Getting it Right
Let go of the need to "Get it Right" or "Find the One" on your first date. Many women tend to be perfectionists but that can prevent something natural from happening on its own. Sometimes you may meet a great guy and overlook him just because everything didn’t go perfectly or because of a number of any other reasons that you have built up in your own minds. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy when it comes to finding love.
In other words, take a deep breath and don't jump ahead of yourself. Instead of asking yourself if he is the one or could be the one, ask yourself if you would want to just meet him for coffee/drinks or a socially distanced walk, instead of getting ahead of yourself and trying to envision your whole life with him.
Look at each opportunity to gather more information about this man and really get to know him. At the end of the date, assess how YOU feel. Do you want to invest more of your time with him? If so, then schedule another date to learn more.
If the date is a bust, well - then you're now one step closer to meeting the guy that's right for you. And, you hopefully just spent an hour or two having an engaging conversation with someone, which is great practice for the next date. Stay focused on the positive qualities of each of your dates instead of the negative.
Don’t Take Things So Seriously
A first date is going to be the toughest, so why stress yourself out taking everything so seriously. You are on a date, you haven’t committed to marriage or to anything except the date, so enjoy it.
Focus on having fun - you owe yourself that. Chances are it took a lot of effort to get out there and try. Keep the focus on having fun. Nothing is a waste of time because you can discover more about yourself and the type of man you are looking for regardless if you are asking yourself, “Did I really shave my legs for this?” So spend time dating to learn more about yourself and what makes you happy.
That probably seems a little confusing, but what I mean specifically, is what values are most important to you? What values are you looking for in a partner? It’s the perfect time to learn that and sometimes we don’t think of those things until they smack us in the face. You could be sitting having dinner and a man may tell you that he has never donated his time or money to a charity. That might bother you, so take note of your values now. And even during a pandemic, dating can be fun...get creative. What do you like to do? Do you like to go on picnics or go to taste test desserts? There are also adventure books for couples where you scratch off the date idea for the week and then go try it out. It’s a good way to take the pressure off of trying to have the most perfect date and can be anything from painting together to picnicking in your own backyard.
Are You Too Comfortable?
The pandemic has everyone a little off. Chances are you spent more time in your pajamas than you have in heels, and it has allowed many to become too comfortable in your own routine. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone and comfortable or do you want to take a chance, put on some clothes, get out of the house, and meet some interesting men and enjoy the life you have been given?
Think about all of the times you took a chance. It may have been an interview for a job, a new skill you wanted to learn - all scary at first, but you did it! Dating is no different, and you need to learn new skills and practice because eventually, you will meet the RIGHT guy.
Surrounding Yourself with the Right Support
Start by surrounding yourself with people who will lift you up and support you and when you feel discouraged or frustrated, then find people who can keep you accountable and encourage you to keep going, whether it's a friend or family member or a coach. There is nothing better for your soul than to know you have people you can trust who will support you always.
Jackie is a friend of mine, who’d been in an emotionally draining relationship and she was burnt out on love. Several months after this relationship ended a family member suggested that she try online dating, reluctant, she gave it a shot. The men she attracted were flakes. They were emotionally unavailable and just plain unreliable. Jackie was frustrated and discouraged and she was ready to give up. Once again this family friend encouraged her to keep going and continued to remind Jackie of everything she had to offer. Reluctantly, Jackie got back online and the next guy she connected with was different, he was smart and kind. He had integrity and he cared about Jackie. A year later they got engaged.
While having support from friends and family is important, some relationships are toxic and not worth your time and some friends aren’t willing to give you honest advice. Getting advice from a coach, who is able to see the whole picture, can often allow you to see things that others cannot or will not see, or are unwilling to share.
If you’re ready to learn the skills necessary to make dating not so scary, so you can start choosing and attracting higher quality men, we should chat. Just click on the link below to schedule your FREE 30-minute Breakthrough call today!